Lee was called back for a second interview tomorrow. He took the weld test earlier this week and they called and asked him to come back Friday afternoon for a second interview.

We feel that a call back is positive. We of course are still praying for a better paying job. Of course, we are incredibly thankful to God for providing the temporary jobs through a staffing agency, but more income would help us immensely. When he was there earlier this week, they said that there is a lot of overtime. Overtime sort of stinks but it woud be good to help us pay off some things and be able to work towards our Dave Ramsey goals.

If you think of him tomorrow afternoon, please pray that the interview will go well.

In other news, James passed his level 3 swimming lessons today. In June, he passed level 2 after the second try. I started him in level 3 thinking that he may need to repeat this level too but he didn’t! Thankfully, our park and rec department offers lessons for only $10.
Yesterday, he had to swim 1/2 the length of the pool,  tread water for 30 seconds, then swim the rest of the way on his back.

I said, “Did you take breaks?” He usually wants to stop a lot. He said, “We weren’t allowed to take breaks.” I said, “Well cool!” He said, “It wasn’t cool it was horrifying!”

Tomorrow, we are catching up on housework and paperwork and taking it easy. My mother in law is going to come over and knit with me and we’re going to sit outside, enjoy the summer breeze, and drink tea.  Sounds yummy doesn’t it?

I’m still reading through Charlotte Mason #6. It contains a lot of wisdom. We’re not getting through Tom Sawyer very fast but it’s a fun book.

I need to get Year 2 planned out soon. I think next week, I’ll make that my goal to work on the first several weeks worth of scheduling.

That’s about it around here. Thanks for praying for us and checking in.

Moved away! I alluded to that a few weeks ago. She’s long gone now, enjoying her new home.

It’s been quite an adjustment for me. I had to struggle with selfishness. I didn’t want her to go at all!

She and her husband have been a huge encouragement to Lee and I. They visited him in prison and wrote him letters. They also prayed for us, checked on us, helped us.

They always seemed to show up at the exact time I was in real need of help.

One afternoon last fall, she came to the store and brought us a warm crock pot of soup so that I didn’t have to make dinner.
She would bring me things or give me money right after I prayed to ask God to provide it.
She’s been a wonderful example to me of a godly woman and a woman who loves her husband. She and I had wonderful discussions.
She watched James a few times for me and spoiled him rotten.
We have been so blessed to have them as a part of our lives.
She and I still email. She called me yesterday and we had a lovely chat. It’ s just not quite the same.
I felt like out of all the people in my circle, she’s the one who cared the most to know what was going on and what I needed help with or what we needed her to pray for. Losing them to another state is not easy. I did ask God why she had to move.
“I need her!” was pretty much what I said when I prayed. But the truth is, she still prays for us and cares about us. She still read my blog. She’s still a part of our lives from a distance.
When I was struggling with the selfishness and sadness over her move, I had to remember that I have to depend on God more than I depend on people. He graciously allowed her to be a part of our lives for a season. Now she gets to minister to others in a new area, and I get to focus my dependence entirely on God.

As Martha says, “It’s a good thing”.

Titus 2:3-5

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Tonight, I picked 2 cucumbers from the garden. James and his cousin picked a few green onions.

Then we sat outside, sprinkled them with salt and chomped away.

What more could a girl ask for?

I have decided to repost some older posts once in awhile. Some of them are pretty good and some of you are newer here and may have missed them.

When I was answering the question from my inbox, I thought of this post so it’s the repost this week. Some of these won’t exactly fit the question that was asked. Some of them don’t even quite fit my life now, but it’s still a good reminder to think about what we say or the questions we ask.
Have you ever watched “What not to wear?” It’s a funny show, although I’d be mortified to be nominated.

They laugh and tease people showing them how absurd their clothing is, but in the end it was all for their good and they come out looking like a million bucks.

I think we need a “What not to say” show. Maybe we won’t laugh at you too obnoxiously, but it would be refreshing to point out to people the absurdity of their questions!

I’ve been mulling over in my mind a post about this.

Often I try to be very careful what I post. I don’t want it to sound like whining or “my problem is worse than yours” (Oh I despise that game that people play!)

I read this post and thought, “If she can do it so nicely so can I!”

The Deputy Headmistress said,

“I get so many irritating questions from people I think should know better, and I try to be charitable, but really- people, even perfectly lovely, sweet, nice people, feel that anything they are curious about simply must be their business, and you know, it really isn’t. I do not really say any of these things, mostly. But the things in quotes are things you really don’t need to ask.”
& this“I know we’re all just curious. But we do not have a right to have our curiosity regarding other people’s personal, private family matters satisfied. This is not because there is something ’shameful’ about that private information, but because nosiness is not good manners.”

So without further ado, here are my “not to say” things.

1. Do you get conjugal visits?

Oh my word! How tacky is that anyway?

I don’t ask people about their intimate relationships.

2. What did he do?

If I wanted to share that with you I would. It really doesn’t matter. The trial isn’t any better or worse for me if you know is it?

Pastor summed it up well for me the other day when I told him I saw my neighbor there as a guard.

“He did something, he’s paying for it, God is changing him, end of story. If they don’t like it that’s their problem.”

(Thank you, Pastor!)

3. I wish I had some time in jail. I’d love a vacation.

No you don’t and that is an incredibly stupid thing to say.

4. Must be nice sitting in a country club.

Sigh.

5. God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.

At one point, I literally said I was going to slap the next person that said that to me.

Maybe you could say, “I’ll pray for you that God will show his grace and strength in your life.” Much more comforting.

6. You haven’t been willing to serve.

I have been willing.

Sometimes I’m not able.

That is between me and God.

My mother said, “Honey, people who haven’t been through these kinds of trials don’t realize that some days breathing takes all the energy you have.”

7. You’re only homeshooling one.

Yes and your point is what? That somehow it’s less of a commitment or that I am not a real homeschooler? Want to trade places?

8. Just do XYZ

People have such simple solutions. Sometimes I think it’s because they want to help. Sometimes I think it’s because they don’t have a clue.

Just do more Ebay,

You should be walking to work,

You should homeschool at the store,

Well how hard is it to just….

The hard thing about these comments is that if I try to explain why something won’t work, it appears that I’m making excuses or that I’m not willing to listen.

Most of the time the person telling me what I should be doing is the one not listening.

I wish I was bold enough to say,

“Just what part of I’m homeschooling, single parenting, running a business, and trying to keep my marriage together do you not understand? “

9. I wish someone would give me (fill in the blank with any one of the blessings God has sent our way.)

I wonder if they want my trials too? Or just the blessings?The thing is God blesses us in this trial. People weren’t randomly giving me money, or bringing me things I need, or helping me with car repairs, or free babysitting when my husband was home working.

Here is another post that explains how trials change you. I remember reading this and shaking my head yes!

So there you have it. I hope I was “nice” enough! I wrote this a loooooong time ago and have re-worked it and sat on it for awhile.

I try to be careful what I post when I’m upset so you can be guaranteed that I’m not upset about anything now if I’m posting this!

Chel emailed me to share her children’s conversation she overheard the other day.

Hi. I never hear anyone talk about prison or jail any more without thinking of you. You, and your blog, have changed some of my general perceptions of prisons. Now, we were never those people who told their kids that if they did something bad, they’d go to jail. I think that’s horrible.

We’re more of a ‘I’ll take your video game away’ sort of a parenting family. But the kids see things on tv about jail and prison, so I know they both have a general awareness.

Just a few moments ago, my son was helping my daughter build something with her blocks & apparently she didn’t leave any ways out. He said it was a jail, a bad place.

She said, it is a bad place, but when people are done there,they can go out and do good things.

Now, where she got that, I have no idea. But I thought of you and Lee and about how he’s out and doing good things.

Thank you, Chel for sharing that with me.

Has God done anything for you this week?

Have you learned anything in your Bible reading?

Did someone bless you in a need you were specifically praying (or worrying!) about?

If so please share. Hearing how God is working in the lives of others is a great encouragement to us all.

Feel free to snag the graphic and use it on your blog.

Your post can be anything from the last month.

If you don’t have a blog, leave a comment here.

Welcome!

I had to participate because I just love Robin. She’s been a great encouragement to me.

Now, I know this is a party, so I’ll be light but my blog is

all about my husband’s incarceration.

So my “about me” post is not light, but it will sure tell you more about me.

Here is one of my favorite summer recipes.

When I checked my basil in the garden today, my mind immediately

went to this dish. I need to make it soon.

A favorite quote

“I have pondered the difficulties for months and have looked steadily at everyone of them; but faith in God has put them aside. ”
George Muller

Check out my $5 farmer’s market bouquet.

Ok, Robin said to be brief so I’m quitting right now.

(Oh! will you consider joining our weekly Works of God Weekend?

Just share a blessing from your week.)

James’ cousin was over again tonight. He went with us to the Y.

I’ve been trying to go at least once a week in the summer to keep up my newer healthy habits. Summer is hard for getting to the Y!

Afterwards, we went to get something to eat. We got out of the car and James yelled, “There’s a rainbow.”

We watched it for a long while. The blues and greens were really vivid and we could see the entire bow. It was so pretty.

I saw people walking to their cars not even noticing it. I felt sorry for them.

Rainbows are such a beautiful reminder of God’s presence.

Later this evening the boys were having a “midnight” swim in our little pool. (Ok it was more like 9 o clock swim, but doesn’t “midnight” sound cooler?)

I had just been regretting that James has never been able to catch fireflies. I looked up and saw a firefly hovering above the roof. I called the boys over and we watched if for awhile. They saw a couple more and I enjoyed watching them point them out.

God’s creation never ceases to amaze me and I’m so thankful that we got to see 2 special things tonight.

I found these at The Common Room.

Communities pay for high prison rate 

Reentry 

The prison problem 

I am always blessed when I open my email and find a sweet email from any of you. You have been a blessing to me.

I also love it when someone lets me know they’ve been reading, or that they’ve been encouraged. It means a lot to hear it. I blog because I know that’s what God wants me to do in this situation, but it’s so nice to hear that God is using my writing in the hearts of others.

I received an email last week asking me how to support someone who’s husband is in prison. Here are parts of her question. She said that blogging about it would be great so here goes.

“..her entire life has been turned upside down, her family’s lives etc. I try to be supportive, she is not a Christian and is not handling any of this well. I don’t know how to offer support, I don’t know if I should ask about her visits, not ask. It’s a new chapter and I don’t know if anyone of us is handling it right.”

She also asked,

“What helped you, what hurt you, what got you through it? When did you decide to stand by him, did you waiver in that decision?”

Your friend is blessed to have you in her life. The fact that you care and want to know how to support her is a huge step in the right direction.

1. The very most important thing you can do for her is to pray. I would pray that she would come to know the Lord through this.

One of my friends in this group shared that God used her husband’s incarceration to bring her back to the Lord. Even though she will look at me with tears in her eyes because of the horrible pain she carries, she says every time that she wouldn’t trade her relationship with the Lord for her former life.

You can also pray that God will show you what to do or not do. You can pray that God will give her wisdom and clarity for decisions she has to make. You will know how to pray for her, just pray! God may be up to something big in her life or her husband’s life.

Pray that God will allow her husband to come to know God there. Much is said about “jailhouse conversions”, but the truth is that many chaplains, churches, and volunteers work very hard to bring God’s word to the prisons and jails of our land.

People in prison are raw and hurting and God specializes in mending broken people. Not all jailhouse conversions should be “poo pooed” many of them are very real.

God’s word is powerful and lives–even broken lives worthy of punishment–can be touched and healed through it’s amazing power.

2. Tell her that you’re there and that you care.

If she doesn’t want to talk, you can’t make her! But if she knows that you are willing to listen then at least she has a place to go.

a. If she comes to you to talk, please don’t answer her based on what you would do.

Prison is a surreal world of its own. There is nothing you have ever faced that will help you understand what it’s like to live through it unless you’ve been there.

So, I’d also suggest reading through my prison archives, or perhaps the enduring trials archive. I’ve sprinkled much of our story throughout many categories though, so maybe just read as you have time.

I’ve tried to be honest so some posts are emotional. Having a loved one in prison IS emotional and there’s no way to be honest without sharing that.

Many of the links in the prison blogroll can be helpful for you to start learning what prison is like. Prison Fellowship comes to mind as an excellent link to start with.

b. Don’t assume that you know all there is to know about the case.

(I am not directing this at the person who emailed me! I’m speaking in generalities here.)

Legal cases are very complex and difficult to wade through.

One thing that has greatly disappointed me in this trial is to realize that the legal system isn’t alway honest. Things can be twisted, lies can become facts, and paperwork can be “lost”.

There can be much more to a case than meets the eyes and if you haven’t read every document you really cannot know exactly what is going on.

c. Don’t tell her what she should do about her marriage. This is a decision that she must make on her own. I stayed because I knew that’s what God wanted me to do.

Frankly, I think leaving would have been easier. However, the blessings and lessons I’ve received for staying are so huge that I am thankful to God for giving me the strength to endure.

In Honoring my Covenant, I shared some of the reasons that I stayed.

Her husband could be a horrible pathetic loser in your eyes and most likely in society’s eyes. In God’s eyes, he is an individual that Jesus died for. A person of great worth and value.

If you’re having difficulty talking about him without being angry or bitter, ask God to help you. She won’t want to be supported by you if you are tearing down her husband.

In my situation, Lee is my husband. He was my husband before prison and he’s my husband after. His incarceration did not change that. I did not take kindly to people trying to tell me what to do about him. Especially since I knew that God wanted me to stay with him.

3. Ask her if you can write to him in prison. It doesn’t have to be long epistles. A couple of lines in a note card, a seasonal greeting card, or a note letting him know you’re praying for him will mean a lot to him. It can be every other month, it doesn’t have to be every day.

4. Draw boundaries I don’t know anything about your friend. I will say that I did meet some people in the visiting lines at the prison that I probably needed to be wary of. If she asks for things that you are uncomfortable with just be honest. Or just say no.

By drawing boundaries however, I don’t mean telling her you don’t want to talk about prison. When Lee was in prison, it consumed our lives. If I needed to talk that is EXACTLY what I needed to talk about.

5. Do something fun with her. Invite her to do “normal” things that you used to do together. If she isn’t up to it, just know that you’re inviting her means a lot. Don’t get frustrated if she says no because she’s going to go on a visit to the prison or she has to wait for her husband to call.

I had to put lots of things aside in order to make Lee a priority. Prison schedules are set in stone. They don’t care that you wanted to do something else. If you don’t go during visiting hours you just don’t go. Phone calls can be limited to certain times as well, so she really may need to be there when he calls.

I understand that some people may read that and think that’s pathetic to set your life around the prison schedule. To them I will say this–

* Outside of my relationship with God, my husband and my marriage are 1st. His needs came before my friends.
* If I told Lee that I would visit on Fri night around 5, and I couldn’t make it, there was no way to let him know. He would sit all day looking forward to the visit and watch the time go past wondering if something bad happened to me. As much as I love my friends, I refused to do that to my husband. If I made plans with him to be there on a certain day I went unless I was sick.
* If you still don’t understand, then you just don’t get it. Maybe admit that to her and still support her anyway. Her life as you said has been turned completely upside down and she probably feels like she’s drowning.

6. Understand that supporting HER doesn’t mean you’re condoning what he did.

You may be very angry or hurt over what he has done. You may be angry that his actions have cost your friend this pain. You may be frightened over what happened. It’s ok to support her, pray for her, bite your tongue about him, and maybe send him a note once in awhile. Doing these things doesn’t say that you think he should go scott free. He may very well deserve every thing that happens to him. You can still be her support system.

Unless she participated in his crime, she’s exactly the same person you knew her to be before. She has a lot more stress, pain, and fears than she ever had before. She will be judged simply because her loved one is incarcerated. She will be tired. She may make some stupid (in your eyes) decisions. She may withdraw. She may go “wild”. It’s hard to say what will happen, but you can still be there for her.

Let her cry. Let her talk. Hug her once in awhile. Let her know that your relationship is the same that it always has been and that you want to help. Then leave it up to her to work out how she will lean on you.

I may go through the archives and link to some of the other posts later on. I also may think of more things to add, but there’s a long answer to your short email.

Thank you for asking and letting me answer it on the blog.